Sigh. and people wonder why I am such a nervous wreck all the time. I hear of earthquakes, people dying that I know, or people fighting at my work. I am just trying to think positivley but it is really hard to. I miss my friends. I never get to hang out with them anymore. I miss my family. I never get to see them anymore. It's always cold and rainy here in Seattle, no sun what so ever. Worst couple years of weather in my life. My dad is having severe thunderstorms in Mountain Home, but it is his fault for moving to such a shitty area of the country. UGH I just want everyone to be close together. I know I have probably already typed this. But I am still thinking it. I have just been playing the Sims and working and comming home. Not much is really new. I have finally got a handle on the dishes and am slowly working my way through the laundry. Our lease is up in a few months I think we are thinking of moving to Renton. Not sure yet. We will see what the future holds for us!

Lifestyle Change day 1

It seems like for the millionth time I am starting a diet. well, a " lifestyle change" . I got a gym membership and am going to be doing some exercising. I have nothing better to do most of the time than sit on the computer so I figured, why not put those hours towards hours that I could be doing something. I dont have any friends here, so i figure its going to be easier for me to loose the weight by myself and with chad helping and me eating healthy I Can do this!I am excited. I Hope things go well for me. My goal is to be at 120lbs. I am currently at 240 ibs. That means I have 130 lbs to loose.

Positive Changes....what?

So I went to check out Positive Changes Hypnosis to see about their weight loss stuff and I couldn't believe how much it was! 4000$ for 9 months and 500$ down payment with a 243$ monthly payment. Holy shit! Talk about car payment. And the lady was like well if you really want to you will find the money. Whatever lol Not everyone has 4000$ lying around in their back pocket!

Sometimes I just want to scream at the world !

So this week has been rough emotionally. I don't know if it is the full moon or what. I feel more alone then ever. I feel like nobody wants to talk to me or hang out with me. I know im not very exciting to be around but I am always there for people it seems a lot more than they are for me. I fought to get a Saturday off to come out here to cda to specifically see a friend of mine, and It turns out she couldn't get her husband to watch her kid for me when they knew at the beginning of the week I was coming out here. I'm so mad I could scream. I just want to feel appreciated and wanted. and I feel like its not like I come out this way or can very often and when i can nobody ever calls and wants to get together or anything. I just feel like saying screw all of you and I want to retreat in my bubble of loneliness but I wont because im not like that or that kind of person. 

I have made the decision to not get so excited about things so easily because I'll only be let down. I have a huge heart and when it gets stomped on like this it makes me very depressed and sad. I don't want to do anything or see anyone I just want to work. and Come home. and play my sims games. Nobody bothers to ask me how Im doing or how my life is. I am always the first person to ask people how they are. and I'm not doing it anymore. Im not being the nice friend everyone has that just keeps getting walked all over. I'm done. This was the straw that broke my back and my heart. I know i probably seem way over dramatic right now but i have to get this off my chest or im going to go crazy thinking about it.